I Will Make U Chicken Nuggets When Youre Drunk


are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?


if she flinches when you go to put your arm around her … someone else’s hand wasn’t so sweet … if she questions you … someone else has lied to her … if she doesn’t tell you things … someone else once betrayed her secrets … behind every cranky, complicated girl or girl who is scared to love is … a girl who is tired of being broken.



i’m on a baby names website to name a character


one of these things is not like the other

yeah i mean who the frick would name their kid shaelynn


my brother had a dream he spent 20 dollars on a hotdog and he woke up screaming


if i worked for the cia all they’d have to do is tickle me and i’d tell all the secrets


"maybe you wouldnt be so tired if you went to bed earl-"




Student: can I please use the bathroom?

*takes bag*

Teachers: why are you taking your bag?


This happened in my English class one time and the girl who was going picked up her bag as she got up and the male teacher just said “Put your bag down and go to the bathroom.” and without any hesitation she just said, “I need something in it there is blood coming out of my vagina.” He never made girls leave their bags again.